Friday, November 23, 2012

A Guide to the Meaning and Usefulness of Punctuation Marks

Some literary humor, care of McSweeney's.

From the piece...

Ampersand. Great for loud parties on the beach. Use often, especially if you are under 47 and intend to kick that crippling cocaine habit. Does not grant wishes. Looks best in lipstick and serif fonts.

Question mark. Do not, under any circumstances, question Mark. Mark doesn’t know anything.

Apostrophe. A broken, poetic mark which bears the scars of the time it allegedly spent in Vietnam. Be careful with it. Useful, however, in unsent letters and medical prescriptions.

Ellipsis. Defective, oval punctuation mark, sometimes mistakenly tripled by idiots. Usually appears to mark out oral sex scenes involving psychiatrists. Also, occasionally, in epic space operas. Do not get this as a tattoo.

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