Excuses, Excuses

"I turned in my book’s manuscript almost a month ago," notes Shalom Auslander in Tablet, "but my editor doesn’t seem to have read it yet. It makes a writer wonder what he’s doing instead."

From the piece...

Day 27, 7 a.m.
My editor wakes up and has much to do before the day begins, none of which includes reading the manuscript I sent him almost a month ago. He is very busy! He dresses in his nicest suit and tie; today he has a lunch with a writer who isn’t me, and there is a lot of “interest,” as they say in the business, about his 700-page pile of predictable non-threatening drivel. My editor kisses his wife and son goodbye, feeds the cat, doesn’t read my manuscript, and heads out to work.

Have a good day! his wife calls.

I will! he replies.

Perhaps my manuscript is in his bag, beside his Blackberry and his iPad and his MacBook and his iPhone and his Kindle, or perhaps he forgot it at home since it doesn’t have a touch-screen or titanium cover, or perhaps he cut it up and used it as kitty litter, or perhaps he never brought it home in the first place. He has so very much to do! He needs even more assistants! He hurries to the subway, but stops first at the coffee shop, where he chats with the semi-attractive girl behind the counter and reads the New York Times instead of my manuscript while enjoying a Morning Glory muffin. It’s gluten-free! What a cool place Brooklyn is!