The Commute

I'm judging you. I know I shouldn't, but I do, you fellow bus riders. I pass judgment on you by what you do (or don't do) on the bus. Living on an island and with work on the mainland, commuting is a necessity and is lengthy. There's no way around it. I wouldn't trade it for the world (I love where I live) but what I would trade are some of the bus riders around me for some more like-minded individuals.

That said, ranked, the people on the bus, from those I love, to those I don't.
(Of note: This list doesn't include the crazies/drunks/hooligans/oddballs who are in a category all their own).

1) Book Readers
Well done, literate champions! You're reading a book. It's a perfect place for it, the bus. You can let yourself be drawn into whatever story you're reading. Congratulations!

A caveat - there are sub-categories for book readers.

a) The best book readers are the readers of books that I've already read. You and I are brothers, I think. You, sister, understand me like this other bus rider doesn't. I commend you. We have a special bond, you and I, because we have both read The Corrections.
b) The next best book readers are readers of books that are thoughtful and/or challenging and/or are classics. We're talking about Jane Austen and Henry David Thoreau, Toni Morrison and Aldous Huxley, Fyodor Dostoevsky and Edith Wharton, Pearl S. Buck and Ralph Ellison. Bonus points if you're reading poetry (of all things!). You're intelligent. You're keen! But are you simply reading those books because you have to (school) or because you want people to THINK you're intelligent and keen? For shame!
c) The next best book readers are readers of books that are catered towards a more general audience. We're talking the Oprah books here. Those that you find on the recommendation wall at Elliott Bay Book Company. Short story collections. Those books that your friends or family lent you saying, "This is pretty good." Indeed, you are pretty good people. Applause are in order for you. Well done.
d) The next best book readers are readers of books that are dumb, i.e. romance novels and/or science fiction and/or fantasy novels. That's not to say, of course, that romance and/or science fiction and/or fantasy novels are dumb, I'm just saying I think they're dumb and you, reader of such materials, have been forewarned of my judgment upon you.
e) The next best book readers are readers of stuff that's dumber than dumb.

2) Magazine (and Newspaper) Readers
Kudos, reader. You're reading a magazine. You like to keep abreast of the latest happenings in our world and you should be commended. Magazines are ideal for bus rides in that many rides are short and many articles in magazines are perfect in regards to time spent reading said article weighted against total time on bus. It's a good match, and you're smart enough to know it!

A caveat - there are sub-categories for magazine readers.
Another caveat - Some magazine readers (those that fall into the A and B categories) are cooler that those that are lower-rung book readers (say those that fall into the D and E categories).

a) The best magazine readers are readers of magazines that I like. Is that a bit self-absorbed? Whatever. I'm the one judging here, not you! So pick up that New Yorker, that Atlantic Monthly, that Harper's. Read a story in Utne and revel in the pictures and text within National Geographic. You're cool in my book and you're getting smarter and more illuminated by the minute due to your magazine reading diligence!
b) The next best magazine readers are readers of magazines that look cool that I haven't read much of (though I probably should because they look cool). Orion Magazine, comes to mind. The Believer. The American Prospect. Frieze.
c) The next best magazine readers are readers of general interest magazines good for regular people. We're talking Oprah's magazine here. Entertainment Weekly. Rolling Stone. Time. Most fashion magazines fall under this category (the artsy ones anyway). Newspapers also fall into this category.
d) The next best magazine readers are readers of dumb magazines. We're talking celebrity magazines. You're going to spend your time on the bus reading about what hairstyles the "Dancing with the Stars" contestants wore to dinner in Malibu? That's shameful and you should feel the shame. Feel it.

3) Laptop Users
You're in the middle of this list, you laptoppers, because it's cool you're doing something productive but are you still working (didn't you just leave work to go back to home and family) or are you working on a novel (kudos!)? Are you surfing the internet to learn how long the Great Wall of China is (approximately 6,400 km) or are you just playing solitaire or seeing if you've garnered a couple more friends on MySpace? I'm not looking down on you, laptoppers, I'm just not sure what your motives are when you log-on.

4) Nappers
They're fine...as long as they don't smell or start drifting over.

5) Chatters
They're fine, too...as long a) they're acquaintances talking to each other and b) not talking to me. I'm reading.

5) Blackberry/Cell phone/electronics users
You're annoying but at least you're doing something minimally useful, whether it's writing a text message to your wife letting her know you love her or it's calling your podiatrist to set an appointment.

6) Zoners
You're going to sit on the bus and DO NOTHING? That's how you're going to spend your time? We only have one life here, people. That's not something to be taken lightly by, say, staring out the window as your life ticks by. We're all on the bus together, amigos. We're stuck. We might as well make the most of it. Am I right? And you're going to spend it by sitting? Sure, some of you are thinking about the day ahead. Some of you might be enjoying the scenery (though the streets beneath the West Seattle Bridge are as picturesque as a meat locker). Fine. But every day you just sit there and do nothing, my busmates. DO SOMETHING! ANYTHING! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

For instance, maybe you should read. All the cool people are doing it.