WET LEAVES AND PLANT DANDER

With the holiday fast approaching, I'll be posting somewhat irregularly the next few days. In the meantime enjoy this little story I wrote...

Grandma was ready to put up the Christmas lights, but first she had to vacuum the leaves off the bushes. It was important to her to have the bushes bare so the lights snaking through them would give off "optimum cheer light," as she called it. I called it insane. Who would go into their yards with Shop-Vacs and suck up all the leaves still attached to bushes? My grandma. It was like throwing away the turkey meat at Thanksgiving to get to the wishbone.

Her neighbor, walking her dog Skipper, happened by when grandma was half way up a tree, pulling leaves off of it. "What are you doing, Clara?"

"Putting up the Christmas lights."

"It looks like you're pulling down leaves."

"I want optimum cheer light so I remove all things living so people can see the lights better."

"That's depressing," her neighbor said.

"It's cheery," she retorted.

"Bark," Skipper said, and the neighbor sauntered off leaving grandma half way up a tree.

An hour later the neighbor returned with four other neighbors. They were watching my grandma holding the Shop-Vac hose, sucking up wet leaves and plant dander.

"Clara!" Grandma cut the power. "The neighborhood association is requesting you cease and desist your plant attacks!"

"Plant attacks? That's silly. The leaves were going to fall off anyway. I just want my lights to really shine!" She was about to turn the power back on to her Shop-Vac but the neighbors stood, unmoved.

"We're asking you to stop."

"They're MY plants."

"In the front yard where neighbors can see. We don't want to see these unbridled plant attacks in our neighborhood."

"This is ridiculous!"

"Give us the Shop-Vac." The neighbors stepped forward.

"No!"

"Clara!" The neighbors stepped forward again. That's when grandma started swinging.